Throwing up words

 Lying by your side,  I kept my hand on your stomach just to be sure you are breathing right. It's not like your day has come, I would be the first one to know that. The thing that shook me was the last sentence you spoke to me before lying down. Those weren't words but a slap on my fragile heart, there are lots of things that you have said which had hurt me, but this one was the most treacherous. How could you do this to me? I spent the time tossing and turning, silent tears falling onto my black sleeve. I prayed and prayed to everyone I remembered to be with you till my last breath. If you leave me here and fly back, it would be your freedom without being free. I would never let you taste the freedom which you so want to enjoy. Would it be possible if we all leave the world at the same time, no one left to wail behind us? 

 That's the very question I ask myself when I try to tell someone the things which effects me the most, which is the probable reason of my overthinking and day dreaming. Perhaps I want to achieve that something in my dreams which I know for sure is near impossible in real life. Why I am unable to tell the secrets kept deep inside my heart to someone? Why can't I use a shoulder, a companion to hear me out instead of shedding silent cries in the gloominess of night? Perhaps because whenever I trust someone they betray me in the least expected way. I am scared what if the person after leaving me don't respect my privacy and spill out my secrets to everyone. The other reason would be fear. Fear of being looked down. What if after hearing my secrets that person snatches all the respect that they had earlier for me, what if i am not accepted by society because of my secrets? It's not very easy to talk about the things which are too difficult to even think. We all know we are...

 Tying the rope around I was determined this time I would pass, no one would disturb me this time and make me fail.Why this noble deed is termed as an act of cowardness I think. It's not an easy act to balance your heart and mind to do this step.But this society, ugh I sometimes hate it's gut. Did I disturb them, burst their ball of hope? Some call me ignorant, some see me as someone ahead of time.I think, no I believe, no I know for sure the plight of the world, I can't face it.It would be better for me to just leave, a change of place would do good to me, that's what the white coat says.Even though I don't like him, I agree with him at this point.Even though I was small in age I knew that this time would come, a time where we all would run to save us from facing the truth. The existence which we all loved is now questioned and it's difficult for everyone to answer it and thus facing the despair, the pain, the hopelessness of it. But not me, I already know what...