Throwing up words

 Lying by your side,  I kept my hand on your stomach just to be sure you are breathing right. It's not like your day has come, I would be the first one to know that. The thing that shook me was the last sentence you spoke to me before lying down. Those weren't words but a slap on my fragile heart, there are lots of things that you have said which had hurt me, but this one was the most treacherous. How could you do this to me? I spent the time tossing and turning, silent tears falling onto my black sleeve. I prayed and prayed to everyone I remembered to be with you till my last breath. If you leave me here and fly back, it would be your freedom without being free. I would never let you taste the freedom which you so want to enjoy. Would it be possible if we all leave the world at the same time, no one left to wail behind us? 

 That's the very question I ask myself when I try to tell someone the things which effects me the most, which is the probable reason of my overthinking and day dreaming. Perhaps I want to achieve that something in my dreams which I know for sure is near impossible in real life. Why I am unable to tell the secrets kept deep inside my heart to someone? Why can't I use a shoulder, a companion to hear me out instead of shedding silent cries in the gloominess of night? Perhaps because whenever I trust someone they betray me in the least expected way. I am scared what if the person after leaving me don't respect my privacy and spill out my secrets to everyone. The other reason would be fear. Fear of being looked down. What if after hearing my secrets that person snatches all the respect that they had earlier for me, what if i am not accepted by society because of my secrets? It's not very easy to talk about the things which are too difficult to even think. We all know we are...

 Tying the rope around I was determined this time I would pass, no one would disturb me this time and make me fail.Why this noble deed is termed as an act of cowardness I think. It's not an easy act to balance your heart and mind to do this step.But this society, ugh I sometimes hate it's gut. Did I disturb them, burst their ball of hope? Some call me ignorant, some see me as someone ahead of time.I think, no I believe, no I know for sure the plight of the world, I can't face it.It would be better for me to just leave, a change of place would do good to me, that's what the white coat says.Even though I don't like him, I agree with him at this point.Even though I was small in age I knew that this time would come, a time where we all would run to save us from facing the truth. The existence which we all loved is now questioned and it's difficult for everyone to answer it and thus facing the despair, the pain, the hopelessness of it. But not me, I already know what...

Standing before the mirror, I saw it. My silhouette which was holding me for years has became a fallen heap. The fury, the rage all has been taken over by the sadness prevailed. It started from my smile slowly making it's way down; blocking my breaths, emotions and whatever he found open in my dead body. I tucked my hair behind and stood there, 'is the war over'? I asked to no one in particular.  Lily was cooing in the next room safely tucked in my mother's arm but where's her mother I asked. She is standing here inspecting her sadness and thinking about the measures to reduce it. Then I saw it, it was shining like a sword, like a young woman with her bosom full.  There was it, my saviour shining and shining trying to cut down the darkness. I picked it up slowly felt it on my hands, it wasn't soft but rough.  'That's the bitter truth' ,said the mad woman who hasn't left my company.  With blood in her eyes she was laughing haughtily, her skin like...

  It's the mystery which makes him strange, you fight with him, I live with him. I don't search him under the bed, He is sitting beside me like the rest. He smiles sometimes, sometimes turn off all his emotions. He is stuck in our world, maybe his soul craves for something. We are scared from him, but he himself is trapped. Trapped in the box, no freedom to fly. He wants to join his family who are soaring high in the sky. He told me about his previous life, how he was little when he died. Holding his father's fingers he was going to a place far by, He was happy to be his father's companion once for a while. From the childhood itself, his father always kept some distance, I am not his blood he has come to know from some sources passing by. His mother was sweet like honey, he said with a glint in his eyes. His mother was expecting, he was beyond ecstatic. The feeling of being older to someone, made him jump like he's high. His father said let's go for a walk, He w...

 He comes to our house in an oddly hours, as if it's some _____ house, calls as if he owns us. He accuses us, ask questions as if we are his slaves. We hide our joys under the mask, just because of him. I want to confront him and get my answers, but stop because of my family's dignity. I know who supports him from my family, from where he gets his strength like a man high on opium. But she will never tell me has shut the doors forever whenever confronted met with aloof silence. He acts like he is a well-wisher, ha! What a joke, is it? He is cursing us inside but, have this fake devilish smile on his face. He is pleased with our misery and jealous of our joys. I remember how he came into our lives, it was so un harmful position which he took. But gradually he applied break and defeat on us, she who loved me the most slapped me for the first time. I was too young to understand it, but he was slowly taking posession of her. Giving small doses of heroin everyday, making her leave u...

 Sitting in the room, I could hear the minutes passing by I was alone in the house, silence acting as an uncalled companion. But the silence was chaotic instead of peace I was flooded with questions and doubt on oneself. The silence was piercing through my ears, making me nervous, goose bumps surrounding me. I stood up from the sofa and decreased the fan's speed. I always craved for being alone for sometime to gather my thoughts. But this loneliness, this silence was killing me slowly, breaking my vision and grasping all my theories. I felt numbness taking over me, too tired to fight with it. I allowed him to take over, to take my worries and provide me peace which I crave for. My meditation broke when someone knocked the door, my uncalled partner slowly left my side, with a promise of returning again. I recollected myself and held upon the door for the real chaos to enter. -Shruti Upadhyay

 People say addiction is bad but they ever thought what is the reason behind it? The answer is fat no because it's the society that force people to indulge in these activities. There are different kinds of addictions and people choose their addiction based on which pit society throws them in. A high school kid is addicted to drugs, smoking and alcohol. There could be many reasons for him/her to choose this path. Before stating the reasons let me tell you a story.  I was 10 years old when my uncle's daughter came to live with us for a few days, she was 2 years older than me and was very intelligent. My parents adored her and were mesmerized by her learning skills. One day my mother was going to market, I asked her to bring mangoes for me and my cousin asked for apples. When my mom returned she just brought apples and said-" I am so sorry dear, the money got over after I bought vegetables and apples. I will bring them next time, I promise." I was really agitated with th...

 She was continuously knocking at my door thinking I would embrace her again. I still remember how fragile she looked when I met her, we have so many memories together which I can't forget by. The day she came to me was a stormy day of my life, being betrayed was never a goal in my life but that day I was betrayed. She became the cocoon of my hurt worm, she filled me with so many things that led to my trust. How foolish I was to leave all my known because of her, how much despair I was to choose her over the others. She manipulated me in this pit of loneliness, she left me there and come only when someone tried to take me out from there. She said she is doing these for my own good, but I realised now, she is a selfish fox whose stomach never remains filled. I have locked the memories and have threw them far from me, I would never let this fragile looking monster again in my life. It wasn't easy to come out of that pit but someone who didn't fear her rescued me. Maybe I woul...